everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize