wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
