I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
