In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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