My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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