I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
