It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
