im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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