Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
