can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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