Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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