Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
