Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
