i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
