I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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