omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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