So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
