We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
