last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
