When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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