you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize