True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
