if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
