there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
