I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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