Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
