On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
we're so committed to being not committed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
