She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
