Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
