Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
