dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
