i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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