If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
