I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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