Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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