The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
ok first of all what the fuck
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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