I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
