***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
