Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
