Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
