i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
