As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
