I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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