Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
