he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
