Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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