Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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