my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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