i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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