Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
