After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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