What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
