dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's always time for handjobs
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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