I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
