I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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