it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
