Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just found puke in my bra..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
