You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
