It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
