It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
