I cannot find my penis.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
