I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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