she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I did not marry a roomba.
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