Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he thought i was a dude.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
