those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
