you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
