So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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