dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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